Anxious days
This post is about the mood of our family, and the mood of those around us, as we get ready to leave for the longest leg of our trip.
On Saturday it rained buckets up in the Catskills. Trapped inside our tiny cabin,filled chaotically with all of our half-packed bags, tempers were short.
As usual, I was probably the grouchiest and the most unsettled. That said, India and Zola were also greatly on edge, and we all got in each other’s way and on each other’s nerves. Tallulah, bless her heart, was as joyful and even-keeled as I was sour and ratty.
In the week before we departed in August, India developed chest pains which made her very concerned. Literally, on the day we flew to Spain the chest pains resolved and were no longer a problem. On Saturday the chest pains came back. There is no doubt that these are real (India is a physically very tough person), but I think we agree that they are stress related.
When it became apparent to Zola that he would not have a sleepover with his friend Matthew, he became very upset and angry. He said things like: “Why can’t I just have a normal childhood?” and “Why are you taking me away from my friends for so long?” Ouch.
When we were down at the general store near our house, Zola was upset, and played a joke on Tallulah and me by hiding her dolls’ stroller next to the truck. I don’t think he meant anything bad to happen, but when I pulled out I ran over the stroller and mangled it beyond recpgnition. More drama, although Lu, again, was very forgiving and light-hearted.
Traveling as a family, we are definitely recofnizing the pattern that transitions are associated with stress and short tempers. In the Mediterranean leg of the trip, we started to anticipate and recognize “travel day” stress. Just by acknowledging and expecting it, we dealt with those days much better. At least we could put a label on Dad’s bad moods. Gearing up for a big transition, we are all feeling some transient self doubt, anticipation of what we will see and do, and the stress of rhythmless living.
The ongoing collapse of the financial markets is creating stress from a completely different source. Many of our friends and family are uncharacteristically anxious. At dinner on Saturday night, and again last night at a small farewell gathering in the city, much of the talk was of recession vs.depression, and falling house prices, and layoffs, and general insecurity. It was wonderful to see our friends on both occasions (thank you), and, of course, not everything was doom and gloom. There is just more anxiety and uncertainty than I have ever seen. My brother-in-law,the compassionate stockbroker, went to the emergency room in Nashville last night with an uncontrollably racing heart. The doctors said it was likely triggered by fatigue (he’s not sleeping) and a reaction to a swing in blood sugar, but this all seems to link back to market anxiety. He is fine now, by the way. Looking at Asian and European stocks on my Blackberry, it looks as though today may be another tough one.
It is quite different from the months immediately after September 11th, but there is a similar collective feeling of being in the middle of a bad moment in history, and not knowing when and how it will get better.
I feel aware of the macro-anxiety, but also strangely outside of it. We won’t get (and don’t expect) any sympathy for our family pre-trip jitters. I think we will have a tremendous experience, and we all now just want to get on with it.
Both kids seemed happy after multiple play dates in the city yesterday. This morning, though, even Tallulah, our little emotional stalwart,cried inconsolably for 20 minutes after India left our hotel to meet a friend for a run.
As a family we are ready to go, and to replace these feelings with action. Ironically, this may be something that an 18-hour flight will cure. Unfortunately we can’t do something similar about the markets.
Onward to (the suddenly much more expensive) Japan!


