Change In Plans

Greetings from Cape Town!

Just before school started, I promised Zola and Tallulah that we would have a family celebration at the end of their first full week of classes. 

Because they started on Tuesday, January 19th, the end of the first full week was January 29th.   I guess  I don’t make many promises like that, because the celebration became a rallying cry and a countdown for both kids. “Only five  days until the celebration, Dad!”  “When you get back from Johannesburg, we have the celebration the very next day!” “Hooray, today is the celebration!” 

In the end, the big celebration turned out to be a family lunch and a trip to the mall.   On Friday afternoon, India and Tallulah went to the extremely popular “Grand at the Beach” restaurant to hold our table, and I waited at school while Zola had tryouts for the cross-country team.  In their school uniforms, the kids ran seven laps, barefoot, around the inner perimeter of the school’s courtyard/synthetic turf field.  It reminded me of a scene in the movie “Chariots of Fire.”  Zola ran pretty well, but another little American girl crushed the rest of the kids, literally lapping the field.

Tallulah and Zola were practically the only kids in the ’see and be seen’ Friday lunch and drinks crowd at the packed resturant.   It looked as though most tables were groups of work colleagues who had gone to lunch together, and decided to start the weekend early. Wine was giving way to mojitos, and many people had taken their shoes off to walk on the sand outside the restaurant’s open doors.  Cape Town is a little relaxed in the summer (unlike the rest of the year??).

At the Waterfront Mall, Tallulah had her long-awaited visit to the Build-A-Bear workshop.  She chose a flattened she-wolf, named her Lily, and helped fill her body with stuffing.  Then Tallulah was given a red satin heart, and told to rub it on her arms, to give Lily strength, on her belly, to make sure Lily always had enough to eat, and on her own heart, so that Lily would know that Tallulah loves her.  After all of this rubbing, Tallulah thrust the heart into Lily, and the kind attendant started sewing Lily up.  Tallulah performed her part of the ritual with the seriousness and barely contained joy of someone joining a secret society, or taking an oath of office after a tough election.  Tallulah typed the information for Lily’s birth certificate, and she selected a golden satin dress and high heels for Lily to wear.  Tallulah and Lily have become inseparable.

Zola took us to the hobby shop in the mall, and selected a set of ‘Warhammer 40,000′ soldier figurines.  He has been mildly obsessed with these for months.  We also had to buy paint and glue and brushes and a Codex catalogue of the Tau Imperial Army.  The young, tattooed, hobby-store clerk, said,”This is only the beginning, man.  We’ll be seeing a lot of you from now on.”

Zola and I spent many happy hours together over the weekend, gluing tiny plastic body parts together, individualizing each soldier with curved swords, and skulls on chains, and huge multi-barrelled pistols, and then painting them with teeny, tiny brushes.  Most of the time while we were working on the models, Zola made a “thut-thut-thut-thut-thut-thut-thut-thut-thut” noise with his mouth, imitating the noise of a machine gun.  Ten-year-old-boy bliss.

So, we survived the first week of school, and felt we had much to celebrate.  Zola has been thrown in the deep end of a pool called “everything’s different” - new country, new school, new educational approach (uniforms and clunky shoes, switching classes), new sports (cricket, surf lifesaving), new friends, new, new, new.  I am very proud that he has handled the changes with grace and joy.  Tallulah has had an easier go of it, but has been equally adaptable.

Our re-entry is becoming a little less ragged.

India and I have moved to Cape Town twice before.  Also, we have been in South Africa for several weeks every year since we returned to the U.S. in late 2000. 

Given this familiarity and comfort, we thought that moving here the third time would be simple and fun, like all of our vacation trips have been.  We thought wrong, particularly around school.  The cultural gulf is huge, between the schools we have been used to (Willow School, home school, PS 3 - the Hippie School, and the Blue Man Creative Center) and the South African system.

Back in August, we were delighted when Tallulah and Zola were accepted to one of the good private schools in Cape Town.  Both kids had friends in their prospective classes, the school was well organized and welcoming, and it all seemed perfect. 

The school does seem to be fine (time will tell), but getting our kids outfitted and equipped has been more confusing and expensive than I could have imagined.  Getting ready to learn has been a huge learning experience in itself.  It has also reminded us how much South Africa is a “figure it out for yourself” culture, like Australia.  No touchy-feely orientations or buddy systems for the new kids, boyo, just get on with it.

We had to buy uniforms at a shop at our school’s sister school, about 45 minutes away.  Along with a dozen other families, we crowded into a tiny shed, which was crammed from floor to ceiling with polyester and polyester-blend school uniforms in khaki and navy.  Lu was easy: three sundresses and a couple of floppy hats.  For Zola, we had to throw ourselves on the mercy of the shop attendant.  She piled a basket high, with shorts and shirts and a tie and a blazer.  The uniform shoes look exactly like brown versions of the big, thick-soled clunkers worn by NYC police officers.  Zola has huge feet, and the clunkers look gargantuan on him (and make him five feet tall).

It took a couple of hours, and required an extra trip to the cash machine (no credit cards accepted), but we got the kids outfitted.  Late that afternoon, they did a fashion parade around the kitchen in their new uniforms, looking terribly smart, and we set photos to grandparents all around the world.

When we were accepted, the school informed us that Zola would need to have his hair cut before starting school.  This part of the preparation led to a traumatic shearing and an angry kid.

 Buying stationery and covering notebooks with plastic (an ancient South African tradition) has been more complicated and frustrating than getting the uniforms.  During the Northern Hemisphere summer, the school sent us an invoice for a crazy amount of stationery that had been ordered on Zola’s behalf.  A few days before school started, we pickd up a huge cardboard briefcase filled with literally dozens of notebooks, plastic folders, special markers, pencils, pens.  The supplies also included 12 tubes of Pritt Glue Stick and a sharp-pointed compass and a protractor.

We thought we were set, until we visited a South African friend on the day before school started.  Our friend, Natalie, has two boys at the same school, aged 12 and 10.  Natalie had received two of the huge stationery briefcases, and had covered every one of the notebooks, tablets, textbooks, in matching colored plastic, organized by subject.  She had bought color-coded zip-up folder bags, in which to store the matching notebooks.  She had labelled every covered book with printed labels, also color coded by subject.  She had even printed tiny labels to identify each boy’s pens and pencils.

I thought she was crazy, bringing anal retention to new highs.  I said, “You’re crazy, bringing anal retention to new highs.”  Natalie responded by handing us a sheet from our school that described exactly what parents were expected to do in terms of stationery and book covering.  Somehow, we literally had not gotten the memo.  The sheet described the requirements as eing exacty in line with what Natalie had done. 

We asked a few other parents, and they all said that it is a 6-8 hour job for each kid.  “It’s a tradition.”  “It’s how we have always prepared for school.”  Natalie is slightly over the top, but had not done much more than the expected minimum.

Since that day, India and I have been wrestling with colored paper and adhesive clear plastic every night.  Read on its own, that last sentence sounds kind of hot.  Actually, we have struggled mightily to get the covers on Zola’s books, and get flip files and zip-up folders all together and matching by color.   Fifth graders take thirteen (count ‘em!) separate subjects, so covering the notebooks and textbooks for all of the subjects is sort of like wrapping about fifty Christmas presents.  nstead of wrapping paper, though, we are using a layer of heavy construction paper, with a layer of extremely sticky clear plastic over it.

Several times our exasperation and frustration (I am truly horrible at handicrafts) has bubbled over into sharp words between India and me.  For example, I say: “Forget this, it’s completely ridiculous.  I suck at cutting and pasting, and I don’ t understand why it is required.”  India responds, “Zola will get demerits or debits for not having covered books.  Hush up and keep covering, Mister.”

This evening we finally broke the back of the great staionery challenge.  We hope that tomorrow, the third day of school, Zola will not get into any trouble for uncovered books.  Seems strange.

Tallulah does not need books yet.  Thank heavens for small blessings.

Happy Martin Luther King Day.

Tonight, no one in the Baird Family has a dream, because no one is staying asleep for long enough. Tomorrow is the first day at Reddam House school for Zola and Tallulah, and nerves are running a bit high.

India and I spent a significant part of the evening engaged in a long-standing South African parent ritual that we did not know about before this week: covering all textbooks and notebooks in colored paper and adhesive plastic. This involves a lot of measuring, cutting, and careful placing/pasting. The colored paper is coded to match each of Zola’s subjects. Apparently, this is how it has always been done here. I’m not sure I see the pedagogical benefit to the elaborate text-book covers, but, like wearing the clunky, brown lace-up shoes with Zola’s uniform, it wasn’t presented as an option.

Tallulah met her teacher, Kim, when we stopped by the school today. We were encouraged when young Kim greeted Tallulah with a hug, but surprised when she introduced herself as “Mrs. Manson-Kullin, that’s a long name” Blue School was so mind-bogglingly wonderful that it will be difficult for any Tallulah school experience to match it. Tallulah skipped and danced all around her classroom like an elf, so excited and happy to be starting her new school.

Zola is being stoic, but is clearly nervous. We are glad that he goes in knowing a few kids. After one day of classes, the entire fifth grade goes away for a three-day camping trip. The trip should give him the opportunity to get to know his classmates. Socially, he will be fine. India and I are having pangs of “our baby!” and “three whole days away from us!”. I’m also feeling daunted by the stacks of textbooks (particularly Afrikaans and French), and hoping we can help him catch up quickly.

Nervous excitement for all four of us.

Completely unrelated to school, but making us glad to be here, early this morning we stood on our deck and watched a group of ten dolphins playing in the surf. They nosed around near the few surfers who were in the water (probably gave the surfers an initial fright, given the publicity around the deadly shark attack last week in Fishoek), but mostly frolicked in the breaking waves. Pretty amazing to watch out out kitchen window.

Life is good. On to school.

We’ve been on the ground in South Africa for two weeks today. Everyone is long past their jet lag, and our initial sun burns have sloughed off in a scaly mess. We are slowly getting ourselves sorted out: mostly a function of new cell phones, electric-plug adapters, and internet access. India and I have been filling out loads of paperwork for insurance, and school, and extracurricular activities and jobs.

Mostly, though, we are in the process of becoming, or rebecoming, Capetonians.

Tallulah had a tea and cupcake party yesterday with all of the girls from the kindergarten class she is joining next week. Her friend, Sienna, and Sienna’s mommy organized it. The little girls bounced on the trampoline, jumped in the pool, ran around in the sun, decorated and ate cupcakes, and repeated the cycle.

After eating three strawberry cupcakes, Tallulah felt very ill, and went and hid in the bathroom. When India found her, Tallulah asked, earnestly, “Mommy, am I pink? Do they have some broccoli for me to eat?” I guess we read the book “Pinkalicious” to her a few too many times. Assured that she was not pink, Tallulah recovered quickly.

Zola had a paintball birthday party with a group of boys from the fifth-grade class that he joins next week. It was a perfect introduction, and fun for him. In two hours, the ten kids shot 4,500 paintballs at each other, scrambling around in the dune grass and scrub of an exposed field near Paarl. I counted about 40 total hits. Fun for all.

The ‘becoming Capetonian’ process is subtle. Tallulah’s face has exploded with hundreds of freckles, a sure sign of progress. After dinner out last night, Zola walked across the parking lot in his bare feet. I asked whether he had left his shoes in the restaurant, and he said, “No, I didn’t wear any shoes.” Another sign of progress.

We have been hiking and boogie boarding and swimming in the ocean. A Zimbabwean man got eaten by a shark near our favorite surfing spot, so we are taking a little break from surfing. Zola starts training with the surf lifesaving club on Sunday morning.

India and I are feeling slightly stressed, getting a lot of administrative stuff squared away while seeing friends, moving house, and entertaining kids. Also, I went to Turkey for a few days last week. We have had a few cross words, but more as a symptom of anxiety than anything serious. I wish I were a better person, and responded to stress with a light heart and a kind word.

Mostly, though, we are feeling very blessed to be here. The location of our rental house is so spectacular as to defy description: waves are crashing onto the beach 50 feet from our living room. Sea and mountains surround us on all sides. We have each other, and our friends, and a whole continent of opportunities and adventures.

Greetings from Cape Town!

Door to door, the trip took 34 hours. Our year of traveling sort of trained everyone, so it was fine. The individual TV screens in economy class make this feasible, even fun, for the kids.

We went to a wedding on our first evening in Cape Town. The bride was a South African woman who we have known since she was four (tempus fugit), and the groom was a South African who had grown up in the US. The wedding was held at Leeuwkop, the Western Cape premier’s official residence. It is the equivalent of the governor’s mansion, but built in the 1690s, and set into the side of Table Mountain, overlooking the city and the port.

The wedding, and the groom’s family, were Orthodox Jewish, which made for an interesting ceremony. There were official contracts in Hebrew, and the bride making circles around the groom, and lots of ancient formality. Tallulah was a flower girl, and spent the whole ceremony chasing flower petals that had been blown off the path by the teeth-rattling wind. Zola was a ring bearer (or ring barrier, as he called it), so he stood in the chupa with the wedding party, holding one of the four wooden poles to prevent the structure from blowing off the mountain. He looked a little shaggy and unkempt, but I don’t think anyone minded.

We saw many old friends at the wedding, which made us feel welcome and at home.

31 December was India’s birthday, so she set the agenda. She ran from our house in Llandudno to the base of Lion’s Head mountain. We met a group of friends there, and climbed up in the morning sunshine. Tallulah climbed the whole way by herself, spurred on by her friend, Sienna, who was climbing by herself for the second time. At the top, we sang Happy Birthday and ate carrot cake. For India, this was nearly perfect.

Although we have gotten a little color, and look healthier than we did in NY, we are all still feeling jet-lagged and out of sorts.

Tallulah has been collapsing at about 7pm each night (the wedding was tough), and getting up with the sun at 5am. She has been calling us “father” and “mother”, and asking us to call her “daughter.” Not sure what type of coping mechanism this is.

Zola got a huge sack of plastic army men, and has been setting up elaborate set-piece battles, with Byzantine rules about what each piece can do. Occasionally, he runs around yelling “Suppressing fire!” and diving for cover into a sofa or onto the floor. He makes a lot of machine-gun noises too.

India has been running long, long distances, soaking up sun and beautiful views. She is overjoyed to be here. I’m happy that everyone else is happy, but am feeling apprehensive about work, and separation from the rest of the world. I will get over it, and we will be fine.

In the meanwhile, we have a lot of logistical and practical stuff to do (cars, health insurance, school uniforms), and we want to go surfing. It is nice to not feel pressure to see people and do things on a rapid-fire schedule, since we are staying indefinitely. This feels like a very relaxing holiday at the moment.

Cape Town is pretty awesome.

We are midway through the long trip to Johannesburg. South African Airways flights stop in Dakar, Senegal, to refuel and switch out the crew in the middle of the night.

Our last night in New York was bittersweet. At Zola’s suggestion, he and Tallulah and I went to Bleecker Street Pizza for dinner. This was our regular stop on the walk home from school. India and I did not make it to Minetta Tavern for a last celebratory drink, but can go on our next trip together.

We were in the car (actually, and fortunately, a 12-passenger van) by 9:30 this morning. For complicated and uninteresting reasons, we had to fly from Dulles, rather than from JFK. Having the van was fortunate because we had about 800 pounds of luggage (literally), and needed a big vehicle to ferry it.

The drive was easy, security at Dulles was tedious and very slow, but we made it through in plenty of time.

Ignoring all conventional wisdom, I ate airport sushi while we waited for the flight, and it was terrible. Aside from that, no drama.

We should be in Johannesburg in another 10 hours, and finally on the ground in Cape Town a few hours after that. It really is kind of a long way.

This is our last night in the U.S. before we move to South Africa. We flew up to New York from Nashville very early this morning, and spent the day making final preparations. After years of discussion, months of half-hearted preparation, and weeks of denial, (plus a few days of real packing) the move is upon us.

In the weeks of denial, I said things like:
“It’s the third time we’ve moved to South Africa. It really isn’t a big deal.”
“We’ll be back and forth so frequently that it won’t really be like we left.”
“With Skype and e-mail and cell phones and FaceBook and the NY Times on-line, and satellite radio, living overseas is nothing like it was when we left the first time.”

All of this is factually correct, but doesn’t change the fact that Cape Town is a long, long way from here. Best case, it’s a 24-hour trip, door to door. Long way to go for a weekend.

This evening, Zola actually cried a little, asking why we had to move. This wasn’t entirely surprising. What is surprising is that until today, both he and Lu have been so unambiguously supportive of the move. I think the 4:30 am departure from Gramae & Pop’s house, combined with the dislocation of being back in the West Village townhouse that has been home for the last four months, brought out an emotional reaction. We are all feeling some of that.

Last night, I lay awake in Nashville. Fretting. I’m excited about being back in South Africa, and about getting back into real work (details TBD). I’m slightly nervous about something terrible happening, but more realistically apprehensive about floundering professionally, or taking risks that do not pan out. I’m also pre-stalgic for the happiness and stability we have had over the last few months.

Tomorrow will be a long day: driving to Washington in our rented van, flying overnight to Johannesburg, and finally arriving in Cape Town at 11pm local time on Tuesday. We have a colossal amount of luggage, and are dreading long security lines and limits on cabin baggage.

Under any circumstances, we will be in South Africa soon enough. And it will be wonderful.

On December 20, 1999, India and I got up just before 5am. We drove to the base of Lion’s Head Mountain, in Cape Town, and hiked up for about 30 minutes. The weather was surprisingly cool and cloudy for early summer in Cape Town. We didn’t make it quite to the top, but it was an impressive effort for a 41-week pregnant woman. We took a picture of India’s exposed belly, with the Atlantic Ocean as a backdrop, and headed back down to the car.

By 7am, we were at the hospital, inducing labor. Our Ob/Gyn, Sheana, was a strapping, utterly confident, six foot two Scottish woman. She told India’s and my mother, “Don’t worry about a thing, ladies. Before nightfall, there will be a baby.”

India was in labor for about 10 hours. At mid-day we went for a walk in the sunshine. A security guard started walking with us. I asked him, in Afrikaans, whether he was afraid that we were going to steal something. He said, “No. I’m afraid the lady will step on a snake and hurt the baby.”

Despite the labor and the hot tub and lots of encouragement, it became clear that the baby was not coming on his own. At 7pm, Sheana said, “We’re doing a C-section. I’ve gotten my team together.” She told me to change and wash my hands.

If I had spent a few minutes more in the washroom, I would have missed the birth. Zola was pulled out by his armpits at 7:19 pm. It was one of the happiest moments of my life.

Ten years has passed. Zola is so much a part of our daily lives and consciousness, it is difficult to remember what life was like before him. He is a sweet, intelligent, funny, and curious little boy. We have shared great adventures and many happy times. We feel anormously blessed to have him in our lives.

Ten years!

Our short, happy, not-entirely-sustainable time in New York is coming to an end.

It is hard to believe that our round-the-world trip ended in late April, and that eight months have passed since the “ragged re-entry.”  The last four months, in particular, have been so pleasant and stable and fun, that the time flew past us.  Now, suddenly, we are in the midst of several “lasts” before we move to South Africa at the end of the month.

Zola had his last soccer game a few weekends ago, not long after I had my last day of work.  The weekend after Thanksgiving was our last trip to the Beaverkill.  Last Saturday night we had a chance to say goodbye to many of our Beaverkill friends at a party in the city.

Last Saturday, we all attended Tallulah’s last dance class at Alvin Ailey.  On Wednesday of this past week, Tallulah had her last “Flip and Twirl” class at Chelsea Piers.  On the same day, Zola had his last “Stunts and Skills” class. 

We have been seeing many friends for “the last time”.  Because w have moved to Cape Town twice before, and this is the fourth time we have lived in New York, these encounters generally feel more like “au revoir” than “goodbye”.  That said, I have been meeting people so frequently for drinks at the Minetta Tavern that the bartenders laugh when I walk in.

On Thursday, Tallulah had her last day at the Blue School.  It has been a truly and deeply wonderful first school experience for Tallulah, filling her with joy, and confidence, and love for learning.  The Blue School is doing many things right.  Her class had a little party for her, and we had a chance to say goodbye to her teachers and classmates and their parents. 

Friday was Zola’s last day at PS 3.  In the morning he had his last performance in front of the school (a concert), after two earlier dance performances.  PS 3 has been great for encouraging Zola to take joy in performing.  India and I arranged for the class to have a skating field trip to Bryant Park after the concert.  It was nice to see how happy and comfortable Zola has become with his PS 3 classmates.  We can only hope that he adapts to school in South Africa as readily.

This weekend, we are hosting our last houseguests.  India’s sister, and our brother-in-law, and our two nieces have come up from Nashville.  Cousin love abounds for Zola and Tallulah.  Tomorrow night I will have my last hockey game.

Finally, this evening I shoveled off of the walk in front of the house for the (first and) last time.  We are getting buried here.  South Africa looks better by the minute.

It has been a fun eight months in New York City.  We are ready to move on to our more permanent life in Cape Town.

Happy Halloween from Greenwich Village!

A year ago, we were wandering around in Tokyo, our kids lamenting that they were trick-or-treating far from home. Halloween is not a big holiday in Japan, but it is very well organized. Households register on the internet if they are accepting visits from trick or treaters. Our friends printed a color-coded map, which we followed to find candy.

This year, we are in the white-hot, freaky epicenter of the American Halloween celebration. The Greenwich Village parade passes 25 feet from our front door. There are tens of thousands of spectators and participants, and hundreds of police officers on the street.

It should be an interesting evening. Lu is a cat, Zola is a hobo. He has fake rotten teeth, and a great cardboard sign that reads “Will work for candy! God bless U”.

India is some kind of leather-clad Superheroine for Peace. Think Emma Peel from ‘The Avengers.’

‘m dressed as a grumpy old Halloween humbug. It’s a stretch role for me.

All around us are sexy French maids, sexy Mario Brothers, sexy skeletons, and sexy Pilgrims (???). Transvestism abounds. These are only the spectators. Because the marathon is tomorrow, there are many European and Latin American visitors standing on the parade route, wondering what to make of it all.

Start flying the freak flag, America. Magic is afoot, and the goddesses are wearing leather chaps on 6th Avenue.

PostScript- much later. We stood on 6th Avenue for over an hour, waiting for the parade to start. Zola sat on the curb with his sign, and an abject look on his face. A few people gave him money. Lu sat on my shoulders. More people packed in, until the spectators were at least ten deep behind the barricades on both sides of the street. I’m glad I’m tall.

Finally, the parade started. Unfortunately, the rain started at about the same time. It’s a very democratic parade: anyone can march, costumed or not. We saw some incredibly elaborate group costumes, some giant skeletons, many people in no costumes at all, and scores of ’sexy policewomen.’. There were several elaborate Michael Jackson group tributes (think Thriller video).

Despite what I had thought, the whole experience was surprisingly wholesome. Despite the masses, everyone was very polite and calm. It was a pleasant, only modestly chaotic environment. You get the sense that the NYPD has things under control.

After watching for over an hour, we walked to a party at the townhouse home of one Zola’s classmates. The nearly mile-long walk in the pouring rain and with the crowds took about 45 minutes. We were happy when we got there.

When it stopped raining, we walked back. The crowds had doubled at least, and at times we could not move at all, hemmed in by people. I’m glad Lu was on my shoulders. Still, everyone was polite and calm.

Lying in bed, I can hear the crowds roaring outside. The actual parade ended a few minutes ago, after three hours of continuous marchers. I’m not so sure it stays entirely wholesome as the night deepens.

We had fun, and are all exhausted. Lu fell asleep on my shoulders, and Zola asked me to stop reading after only two pages of ‘Red Badge of Courage.’ Happy Halloween!